Some great jokes - Samuel Singh

OVERWEIGHT GUYANESE



A Guyanese is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the Guyanese returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The Guyanese nods. "Ah tell you, dough, I tat I was

gonno drap dead dat third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "Nah, from skipping."





SPEEDING TICKET



A police officer stops a Guyanese for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish ya’ll wuld get yuh act togedder. Just yesterday ya tek away meh license an den today you expect me fuh show it to you?"





THE VACUUM



A Guyanese was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"



Here's some to refresh your memories

FINAL EXAM


The Guyanese reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "Ah finish de exam in half an hour, but ah double-checking meh answers."

"Comparison and Contrast between West Indian and American Kids" -Samuel Singh

For those of us with the West Indian background you will see the humor and the truth in this, after all, all humor is based on some kind of truth. Enjoy the humor in this truth.


American/Canadian Kids: Move out when they're 18 with the full support of their parents.



West Indian Kids: Move out when they-are 28, having saved for that nice house and are a week away from getting married..unless there's room in the basement for the newlyweds.






American/Canadian Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings a nice bundt cake and you sip coffee and chat.


West Indian Kids; When their Mon visits them she brings 3 days worth of food and begins to immediately tidy up, dust, and do the laundry






American/Canadian Kids: Their dads always call before they come over to visit them and its usually only on special occasions.


West Indian Kids: Are not at all fazed when their dads come over, unannounced, on a Saturday morning at 8:00 and starts pruning the mango avocado trees. And if there are none, he will plant some!






American/Canadian Parents: You can leave your kids with them and you always worry if everything is going to be okay plus you have to feed them after you pick them up.


West Indian Parents: No problem, leave your kids there and if they get out of line your parents can set them straight. Plus they get bathed, fed and sprinkled with powder, lavender, cologne or Limacol.






American/Canadian Kids: Always pay retail and look in the yellow pages when they need something done.


West Indian Kids: Just call their dad or uncle and ask for another dad's or uncle's phone number to get it done.cash deal.






American/Canadian Kids: Will come over to visit their parents and get only cake and coffee, no more.


West Indian Kids: Will come over to visit their parents and get sweet potato-puddin', cornmeal porridge, ginger beer, coconut drops, a few bottles/cups of their favourite beverage and curry goat & rice. Then after dinner, drinks,time permitting there will be a "little something" as well to take home.






American/Canadian Kids: Think that being West Indian is a great thing.


West Indian Kids: Know that being West Indian is a great thing..






American/Canadian Kids: Never ask the reason you have no food.


West Indian Kids: Are the reason you have no food.






American/Canadian Kids: Will say "hello".


West Indian Kids: Will give you a big hug and a kiss, and pat you on the back.






American/Canadian Kids: Call your (friend's) parents Mr.. And Mrs.


West Indian Kids: Call your (friend's) parents Auntie & Uncle.






American/Canadian Kids: Have never seen you cry.


West Indian Kids: Cry with you.






American/Canadian Kids: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.


West Indian Kids: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together, in other words, just "lyming".






American/Canadian Kids: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.


West Indian Kids: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.






American/Canadian Kids: Know a few things about you.


West Indian Kids: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.






American/Canadian Kids: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.


West Indian Kids: Will kick the whole crowds' a-s that left you.






American/Canadian Kids: Are for a while.


West Indian Kids: Are for life.