Masculine of feminine- Samuel Singh

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Driving in the rain-- this may save your life. (Samuel Singh)

How to achieve good vision while driving during a heavy downpour.

We are not sure why it is so effective; just try this method when it rains heavily. This method was given me by a Police friend who had experienced and confirmed it. It is useful....even driving at night. One method used by Canadian Military Drivers for years.

Most of the motorists would turn on HIGH or FASTEST SPEED of the wipers during heavy downpour, yet the visibility in front of the windshield is still bad......

In the event you face such a situation, just try your SUN GLASSES (any model will do), and miracle! All of a sudden, your visibility in front of your windshield is perfectly clear, as if there is no rain.

Make sure you always have a pair of SUN GLASSES in your car, as you are not only helping yourself to drive safely with good vision, but also might save your friend's life by giving him this idea..

Try it yourself and share it with your friends! Amazing, you still see the drops on the windshield, but not the sheet of rain falling.

You can see where the rain bounces off the road. It works to eliminate the "blindness" from passing semi's spraying you too.

Or the "kick-up" if you are following a semi or car in the rain. They ought to teach that little tip in driver's training. It really does work...

This next warning is a another good one! I wonder how many people know about this:

A 36 year old female had an accident several weeks ago and totaled her car. A resident of Kinburn , Ontario was traveling between Kinburn & Ottawa. It was raining, though not excessively, when her car suddenly began to hydro-plane and literally flew through the air.. She was not seriously injured but very stunned at the sudden occurrence!

When she explained to the OPP Officer what had happened he told her something that every driver should know -NEVER DRIVE IN THE RAIN WITH YOUR CRUISE CONTROL ON . She thought she was being cautious by setting the cruise control and maintaining a safe consistent speed in the rain. But the Officer told her that if the cruise control is on when your car begins to hydro-plane and your tires lose contact with the pavement, your car will accelerate to a higher rate of speed making you take off like an airplane She told the OPP Officer that was exactly what had occurred.

The Officer said this warning should be listed, on the driver's seat
Sun-visor - NEVER USE THE CRUISE CONTROL WHEN
THE PAVEMENT IS WET OR ICY, along with the airbag warning. We tell our teenagers to set the cruise control and drive a safe speed - but we don't tell them to use the cruise control only when the pavement is dry.
The only person the accident victim found, who knew this (besides the officer), was a man who had a similar accident, totaled his car and sustained severe injuries.

NOTE: Some vehicles (like the Toyota Sienna Limited XLE) will not allow you to set the cruise control when the windshield wipers are on. If you send this to 15 people and only one of them doesn't know about this, then it was all worth it. You might have saved a life.

Some great jokes - Samuel Singh

OVERWEIGHT GUYANESE



A Guyanese is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the Guyanese returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The Guyanese nods. "Ah tell you, dough, I tat I was

gonno drap dead dat third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "Nah, from skipping."





SPEEDING TICKET



A police officer stops a Guyanese for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish ya’ll wuld get yuh act togedder. Just yesterday ya tek away meh license an den today you expect me fuh show it to you?"





THE VACUUM



A Guyanese was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"



Here's some to refresh your memories

FINAL EXAM


The Guyanese reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "Ah finish de exam in half an hour, but ah double-checking meh answers."

Have we ever thought of dates? By Samuel Singh

Once again we are at the threshold of something very amazing. In this day and age, there are numerous states which we might find importan and which we would try to remember with each passing day. Whether we like it or not, you are important to each of us as an individual. A parent might remember the birthdays of the children, the date they got married. The young couple will remember the date they first met.The person in prison may be focused  upon the date of his release.

All a person has to do is take one course in history and all you notice that there are more dates and historical events than we will ever care to remember. Everything past, the current, and even the future has some significance to different people at different times.

Keeping all that in mind, the year 2011 has four very unusual dates, all four of which have just passed.For those who know anything about numerology, it is also supposed to be a very lucky year.


This year we will experience 4 unusual dates: 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11 & 11/11/11. Now, take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you will be this year and it will equal to 111. It’s true….crazy! Do the figures yourself, I did.

Https (by Samuel Singh)

Has anyone ever bought something online or made some transactions and you see that it is a secure site and some are not and you sometimes ask "what is the difference between http and https ?"

I don't know how many of you are aware of this difference, working on the assumption that there are those who happen not to know, I'll say that:

**The main difference between http:/// and https:// :

It's all about keeping you secure and not allowing your information to be sent all over the internet.

HTTP  itself happens to stands for Hyper Text Transfer Protocol;

The "S" stands for "Secure".. If you visit a website or web page, and look at the address in the web browser, it will likely begin with the following: http://

This is an indication that the website is talking to your browser using the regular 'unsecured language. In other words, it is possible for someone to "eavesdrop" on your computer's conversation with the website, and it has also been known to happen. If you fill out a form on the website, someone might see the information you send to that site. So it could happen to anyone, imagine filling out info on job sites or making purchases, if it is not secured, it could happen to anyone.

This is why you never ever enter your credit card number in an Http website! Unless you want your info shared with the world of course which I'm guessing you do not want happening.

But if the web address begins with https://, that basically means your computer is talking to the website in a secure code that no one can eavesdrop on. Thank goodness for that, privacy is something we should all be more interested in especially when it is our own information we happen to be talking about.

Thus, if a website ever asks you to enter your credit card information, you should automatically look to see if the web address begins with  https://  If it doesn't, you should NEVER enter sensitive information....such as a credit card number. Let's all make this a lasting habit.

The Changing Thoughts of Girls. - Samuel Singh

We have all seen things evolve over time and become more suited to the modern era. The thoughts of women and the way they behave happens to be no differrent. Here is what I found


Changing Thoughts of Girls

(Ladkiyo Ke Andaj Badle Gaye)





1980 - Love Me, But Don’t Touch Me

(Mujhe Pyar Karo, Lekin Mujhe Chuo Nehi)





1990 – Touch Me, But Don’t Kiss Me

(Mujhe Chuo, Lekin Mujhe Chumo Nehi)





2000 – Kiss Me, But Don't Do Anything Else

(Mujhe Chumo, Lekin Aur Kuch Mat Karna)





2005 – Do Everything with me, But Don't Tell Anybody

(Mujhse Sab Kuch Kar Lo, Par Kisi Ko Batana Nahi)





2011 – Do Everything with me, Otherwise I Would Tell Everybody That You Are A Novice

(Sub Kuch Karo, Warna Sub Ko Bata Dun Gi Ke Tum Ko Kuch Nahi Aata)

Erato Reborn by Samuel Singh

"Resting in High Heels" By Samuel Singh

The Coy Look by Samuel Singh

Many know that look where she stand up and turns slightly and gives you that look with her head turned slightly. Daring you to do something about her coy nature that inhibits your senses. The Coy Look.

THE CHOKING GHOST by Samuel Singh

After years of reading of different things and hearing about things and even a few personal encounters. I had even had enough of grim satisfaction reading juvenile works on yourghoststories.com just for the fun of pointing out to others which were fake and not. It seems as though my prayers to keep my life interesting had been answered when I had a friend walk up to me and said that they think they are being choked at night by a ghost. After speaking to him and trying the usual explanations to come up with something rational. I could find no answers so I decided once again to look further.


For reasons of privacy and fear of ostracism he does not want his name mentioned, so we’ll call him John. He, explained his situation to me once again a few days later as I was in the car with him and he was driving us over to his place. After arriving at his house I took one look around to see if anything visual would catch my eye for future reference and the only thing I saw was a graveyard at the end of the block.

As I waked in the neatly kept apartment I looked in the bedroom and felt nothing strange or unusual. John walked up behind me and tapped me on my shoulder to hand me a beer knowing me well enough to realize I would say it is thirsty work. I spoke to him of medical conditions and things that happen with people at times when they are awake but the body is still asleep and they experience a kind of paralysis.

John was looking at me as if I didn’t believe his supernatural encounter. But I continued explaining anyway that it was almost common and had to do with sleep patters of the brain.

In sleep you have decreased levels of consciousness and also of motor control. Usually these are suppressed simultaneously but not always since there is always the exception to the rule. Many people sometimes know of that particular state where you're almost asleep, slowly drifting, in this state your level of consciousness is severely suppressed yet not fully and you still have some conscious thought processes and state of awareness of your surroundings still present. However, you would be awake but your muscle function is still completely suppressed. These states are usually while falling asleep or waking up, could be either time. It is also known to happen if you come awake sometimes in the middle of sleeping and all of a sudden you simply cannot move. It can induce panic as you try multiple things to wake yourself up and figure out why you can‘t move. It is not dangerous and as far as I can tell, there is no treatment other that adequate and proper sleep patterns. It is just a matter of where the brain secretes a chemical that keeps your body from moving as you sleep. Upon awaking and conscious, you get sleep paralysis if the brain is still secreting that chemical.


I know that one of the most popular places for such things is in Hawaii where they happen to have a kind of urban legend. It also happens to be called the ‘choking ghost‘. It is said that in the middle of the night the ghost will come and sit on your chest or wrap a hand around your throat and strangle you. You can't move and you can't breathe. Supposedly it then releases you when you begin to think you're about to die.

Hawaii is not the only place known to have them. In Chinese culture the have what is known as the Fox Spirit, which is sleep paralysis, also widely known as gui ya shen or gui ya chuang, which literally translate into "ghost pressing on body" or "ghost pressing on bed." A more modern term is meng yan.

There is also a name for it in Japanese culture, where sleep paralysis is referred to as kanashibari, literally "bound or fastened in metal," from kane "metal" and shibaru, "to bind, to tie, to fasten". And I can continue with stories and names from numerous other cultures and countries. Such situations are not isolated to one place but happens to be worldwide.

While many of theses cases may have to do with sleep paralysis and the conscious awaking before the body does, it is not always the case. There are numerous cases where people awake and see images and figures around them. Many times some people who are troubled by spirits wake up with marks, and scratches. I even know of one occasion where I saw finger marks around someone’s neck.

While I told all of this to John, he rolled down his turtleneck sweater and showed me four perfectly formed finger bruises on his neck. After seeing that, I took the matter more seriously and started to do my research to help him cease having such encounters and I am happy to say that we were successful.

I am not saying all cases out there are credible, rather, that all causes are to be questioned. John’s case was a paranormal one and not one that had to do with sleep paralysis and I did test it before coming to that conclusion.

What makes these stories so great to hear about, is that they are as old as many cultures. They speak a lot about history, culture and in many cases, legends of the area. It is indeed an incredible learning experience to hear about these stories from various sources. Just be assured that many have a foundation in truth. Some may be discredited and all may be doubted. I just happen to come from a little country in South America named Guyana, that has known a lot of supernatural activity, and in some places they are quite common, it is a place where a common type of ghostly encounter is one with a choking ghost. Does that mean that all the people who have had those experiences and spoke of ghostly choking encounters are of sleep paralysis? Or, is it possible that it could be something else ?

(Picture used from http://www.spiritualresearchfoundation.org)

Geraldo Rivera letter by Samuel Singh

I am guessing that almost everyone if not everyone has heard of the Volcanic eruption in Iceland last year when Eyjafjallajökull caused enormous disruption to air travel across western and northern Europe over an initial period of six days in April 2010. During that time there were lots of so called experts on various things related to air travel among other things on television.

Either way, when going through some of my notes earlier I found a letter I had emailed and thought I'd share.

Hello Geraldo,


Just to let you know, I work for an airline at JFK and I just arrived home and switched on the TV and saw your show on. Everyone would agree that the volcano in Iceland is creating a huge problem for travelers. No one would know that more than the travelers and those airline employees that have to assist them.

I say you were misled and I sincerely mean it. You had a woman on the show who is from California and with a group that helps those passengers who are stranded. It is good that she is helping but this is where she is wrong. Ask any airline for a copy of the contract of carriage and they will gladly give it to you and you can see for yourself.

We at the airport and specifically at Delta have been trying our best to reroute people as the connections become available. However, there is almost no way we can get people out right now. The flights have been cancelled for a few days. There is a huge backup and when the European airports reopen, we have extra segments going in there to get our passengers out.

We cannot provide accommodations to all of these stranded passengers even if we wanted to because hotels are full. Also, for acts of nature or weather as well as air traffic delays or cancellations, NO AIRLINE will give accommodations to anyone. It is simply beyond our control, think about wanting to sue a bus company if you are on it and get to work late because there is a traffic jam. We have been working with the Red Cross and been sharing out cots and blankets for those stranded at the airports. Also, we managed to get in touch with NYC and Company to get discount rates to passengers who want a hotel on www.nycgo.com. For passengers who come from other places to travel to Europe, we even send them back home at our expense if they want to do that. Think about someone coming from Miami connecting at JFK going to Heathrow. Since we have no Heathrow flights, I send them back to Miami if they want, at the airline expense to travel when all is well or when they choose to. We have been giving meal vouchers to people to get something to eat several times a day. All of this we do not because we have to because we do not have to, we do it because we provide customer service and try to assist in whatever way we can. And she says we provide no customer service? I sincerely beg to differ.

She mentioned that giving vouchers or money for delayed flights or cancelled flights. That is true and I am usually one of the first to give a passenger whatever is due to them, HOWEVER, it is true when it is controllable. That is, if it can be controlled by the airline whether it is a delay or cancellation of our own making, eg; if the airline had a mechanical problem, maintenance, late crew, ship swap, or a passenger service delay or anything directly related to the airline that is controllable. It is NOT for acts of nature. I don't know about her, but I don't happen to have God on my speed dial to tell Him to stop the volcano. It is beyond our control.

I can honestly say that her information is not accurate and for the sake of the stranded passengers, please avoid having someone bashing the airline industry when I know for a fact we are doing all we can and even more.

I can try to answer any other questions you may have but I honestly had to write when I saw you were being misled on national televison and we in the airline industry are made to look like villains.

Respectfully Yours,

Samuel Singh

P.S If I made any grammatical errors, kindly excuse them.

( was addressed to Atlarge@foxnews.com" Atlarge@foxnews.com)

"Comparison and Contrast between West Indian and American Kids" -Samuel Singh

For those of us with the West Indian background you will see the humor and the truth in this, after all, all humor is based on some kind of truth. Enjoy the humor in this truth.


American/Canadian Kids: Move out when they're 18 with the full support of their parents.



West Indian Kids: Move out when they-are 28, having saved for that nice house and are a week away from getting married..unless there's room in the basement for the newlyweds.






American/Canadian Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings a nice bundt cake and you sip coffee and chat.


West Indian Kids; When their Mon visits them she brings 3 days worth of food and begins to immediately tidy up, dust, and do the laundry






American/Canadian Kids: Their dads always call before they come over to visit them and its usually only on special occasions.


West Indian Kids: Are not at all fazed when their dads come over, unannounced, on a Saturday morning at 8:00 and starts pruning the mango avocado trees. And if there are none, he will plant some!






American/Canadian Parents: You can leave your kids with them and you always worry if everything is going to be okay plus you have to feed them after you pick them up.


West Indian Parents: No problem, leave your kids there and if they get out of line your parents can set them straight. Plus they get bathed, fed and sprinkled with powder, lavender, cologne or Limacol.






American/Canadian Kids: Always pay retail and look in the yellow pages when they need something done.


West Indian Kids: Just call their dad or uncle and ask for another dad's or uncle's phone number to get it done.cash deal.






American/Canadian Kids: Will come over to visit their parents and get only cake and coffee, no more.


West Indian Kids: Will come over to visit their parents and get sweet potato-puddin', cornmeal porridge, ginger beer, coconut drops, a few bottles/cups of their favourite beverage and curry goat & rice. Then after dinner, drinks,time permitting there will be a "little something" as well to take home.






American/Canadian Kids: Think that being West Indian is a great thing.


West Indian Kids: Know that being West Indian is a great thing..






American/Canadian Kids: Never ask the reason you have no food.


West Indian Kids: Are the reason you have no food.






American/Canadian Kids: Will say "hello".


West Indian Kids: Will give you a big hug and a kiss, and pat you on the back.






American/Canadian Kids: Call your (friend's) parents Mr.. And Mrs.


West Indian Kids: Call your (friend's) parents Auntie & Uncle.






American/Canadian Kids: Have never seen you cry.


West Indian Kids: Cry with you.






American/Canadian Kids: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.


West Indian Kids: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together, in other words, just "lyming".






American/Canadian Kids: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.


West Indian Kids: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.






American/Canadian Kids: Know a few things about you.


West Indian Kids: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.






American/Canadian Kids: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.


West Indian Kids: Will kick the whole crowds' a-s that left you.






American/Canadian Kids: Are for a while.


West Indian Kids: Are for life.

"Info from Dr Steven Mak on fruits" by Samuel Singh

EATING FRUIT


This is informative!



We all think eating fruit means just buying fruit, cutting it up and popping it into our mouths. It's not that easy. It's important to know how and when to eat fruit.

What's the correct way to eat fruit?

 IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUIT AFTER A MEAL! FRUIT SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.


Eating fruit like that plays a major role in detoxifying your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.

FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD.


Let's say you eat two slices of bread, then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it's prevented from doing so. 
 In the meantime, the whole meal rots and ferments, and turns to acid. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach, and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil.


Eat your fruit on an empty stomach, or before your meal! You've heard people complain: Every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet, etc. This will not happen if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. Fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas. Hence, you bloat!


Graying hair, balding, nervous outburst, and dark circles under the eyes - all of these will NOT happen if you eat fruit on an empty stomach.


There's no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruit becomes alkaline in our body, according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter. If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruit, you have the Secret of Beauty, Longevity, Health, Energy, Happiness and normal weight.


When you need to drink fruit juice drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT from the cans. Don't drink juice that has been heated. Don't eat cooked fruit; you don't get the nutrients at all. You get only the taste. Cooking destroys all of the vitamins.


Eating a whole fruit is etter than drinking the juice. If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it. You can go on a 3-day fruit-fast to cleanse your body. Eat fruit and drink fruit juice for just 3 days, and you will be surprised when your friends say how radiant you look!


KIWI: Tiny but mighty, and a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E & fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange!


AN APPLE a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C, thereby helping to lower the risk of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.




STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals.


EATING 2 - 4 ORANGES oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones, and reduce the risk of colon cancer.


WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system. Also a key source of lycopene, the cancer-fighting oxidant. Also found in watermelon: Vitamin C & Potassium.


GUAVA & PAPAYA: Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, good for your eyes.


Drinking Cold water after a meal = Cancer!


Can u believe this? For those who like to drink cold water, this applies to you. It's nice to have a cold drink after a meal, however, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you've just consumed, which slows digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer.. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.


A serious note about heart attacks.

HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE

Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. Sixty percent of people who have a heart attack while they're asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Be careful, and be aware. The more we know, the better our chance to survive.  

AWAKE by Samuel Singh

RED HAIR by Samuel Singh

Imagine the scene of her just sitting here waiting, knowing that as time passes each stroke of the charcol is making her immortal in something that will always outlive her when her firery red hair becomes grey.

MAA by Samuel Singh

MAA


Your physical remains lie on a pyre

and ceremonious oil and flowers are scattered

on the wrapped, small, frail figure that served inspiration

to this inquisitive heart. I remember your stories

of Moongazers, Dutchmen, Bacchu and the Estate

where you were acquainted with hard work.

Small in stature yet large in perspicacity

I grieve with others now you are home,

suffering ended,

fiery consummation beginning.

It reaches and blazes you to ashes,

but sparks remembrance not forgetfulness

of heatedly calm words of wisdom.

Within small minutes you return

“ashes to ashes and dust to dust”

and while not present

Yet, I saw.



By Samuel Singh

August, 2004

Dedicated to my grandmother Itwaria Brijlall

(1st April 1917 - 12 July, 2004)

who recently